Hello! My name is Wayne. Its great to meet you.
I am a dynamic figure, often seen climbing buildings and crushing ice. I translate ethnic slurs for Zimbabwean refugees. I manage time efficiently. I woo women with my sensuous and "godlike" tambourine playing, and I cook Thirty-Minute muffins in twenty minutes. I am an expert in paint by numbers, a veteran in Jenga, and an outlaw in Benoni. And I have never cried over spilt milk....
Using only a match stick and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended my schools playground from a horde of ferocious dung beetles. I play the fool and I enjoy Ouma rusks on Wednesdays.
I am an abstract artist, a hair gel analyst, and I fold a mean paper jet. I don't eat olives. I can hurl bridal bouquets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read a Facebook status, Twitter feed, and watched 3 Youtube videos in one day and still had time to put what I was eating on Instagram. I know the exact location of every Exit (You never know). I sleep at night, when I do sleep, I sleep like a man. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
On my off weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact couch potato-ing, my bills are not all paid, and I have spoken with the homeless.
But most importantly, Children trust me.